You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I am naked and annoyed.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
