he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
