I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
