The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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