I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
