Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
