God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
honey bunches of taint.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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