i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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