as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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