If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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