so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My life is pants optional.
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