I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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