He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
