i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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