you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
