And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
