Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
