laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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