i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
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