she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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