both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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