So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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