So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Someone signed my nipple.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
