I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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