Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
