Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
