i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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