Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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