Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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