I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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