Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Are we still banned from the library?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
