You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
