If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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