Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
