yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
