Apparently you make a good broom.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
