After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize