my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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