i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
These tits shall not be calmed
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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