I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
