woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I wear drunk well.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
