I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
