My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
