Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Such a big mess for such a small penis
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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