Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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