I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
