I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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