the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
