I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
