I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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