i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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