At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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