and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize