When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Randomize
