at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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