saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
