I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
