How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
