just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
