I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
