In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
