I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I want you more than these girls want KFC
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
How's work?
Spinning.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
