I think my vagina is haunted
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He did a backflip because drugs
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