i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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