Your dad touched me again.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
