This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize