i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize