ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
