I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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