My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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