i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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