2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
