there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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