Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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