I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
