Swine flu. Run for my life!
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
