I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
