We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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