I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
