Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
