i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
