i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
