dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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