I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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